what PETER CRISS should have said on THAT METAL SHOW

cropped-scan0106.jpgIn a parallel universe somewhere a slightly cooler and less self- absorbed original Catman didn’t miss the right play like the Peter Criss that appeared on THAT METAL SHOW on my tele this past Saturday night.

While I understand this cat’s gripe, and it’s a bit of a broken record if you will forgive the phrase, but forgive me here if I break bad (for the first time ever) on my childhood hero. I have defended him at every turn, even when my brother points out his foibles, I always counter on behalf of Peter but today, I can’t stop the rain old friend.

Maybe he should have answered one of my interview requests in at least some manner because this KISStorian sees a mega missed opportunity: one Gene nor Paul would have missed in his shoes because they think shit out, duh.

As I see it, Peter could have taken the high road, side stepped the make-up ‘issue’ entirely and given old school fans like me a real chance celebrate his legacy. Unfortunately, although he was polite about it and obviously being sincere,  it’s now finally obvious to me that he still doesn’t get it and just simply cannot get over the affront of them continuing in make-up without he and Ace, even though Pete toured with the band without Ace with Tommy Thayer dressed as the Spaceman once.  File under “money talks and bullshit walks”.

Scan0014Sure, it’d be great for he and Ace to play w/ Gene & Paul, unmasked and electric for the first / last time, but he should understand they are still a legitimate touring and recording act, without him. and instead make the smart PR move and compromise looking for solutions instead of drawing lines in the sand as is his wont.  Unwittingly it seems he is the one being the least flexible because he can only see KISS as he, Ace, Gene & Paul and the rest of us are living in 2014. Even Ace seems more in touch with reality to me, and that’s saying something brother. Constantly crest-fallen gets old in any walk of life, especially if you are a house hold fucking name who doesn’t have to punch a clock. Must be tuff.

But hey, Pete’s an emotional cat, and that’s why I love him — he’s real and he can’t help it LOL. Anyway, we knew he was the sensitive one when “Beth” came out  but, in my Kiss universe, here’s what Peter Criss should have said:

“I understand why they don’t want to play with just me and Ace like the Rock Hall asked ….. and of course the make-up ‘issue’ makes it awkward for me and Ace to be there watching Tommy & Eric dressed like we used to…. I am still hoping we can all just get up there to together, the originals and all the other great musicians including Bruce Kulick and Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer and Vinnie Vincent, and in honor of the late great Mark St. John and of course Eric Carr,  and just jam out on a few songs together and celebrate the world-wide phenomenon that we were and KISS still is to this day…..you know, the thing we created 40 years ago …..anyway, I can’t wait to see the boyz again snd it’s gonna be a great night for us and the fans and I’m honored and blessed!” – Amen (NOT Peter Criss)

But he didn’t and that’s why guys like Peter Criss still need to hire guys like me to do there PR because it’s good fucking business, but I digress….. Que camera shot to Gene’s kitchen somewhere in LA, the demon on a munchie hunt ….The phone rings….it’s Paul > >>>>”hey, are you watching this?”

Gene, sheepishly >>>>>>”yes, I can’t believe it, he learned something!”

Paul >>>>>>>”……or he hired Doc away from us”

A quite laughter ensues that only the  demon and the starchild share until another line rings ……it’s Doc McGhee, Gene answers >>>> “Doc, I’ll put you on speaker phone, Paul’s on the line too….go ahead”

Doc  >>>>> “Holy shit, that little fucker…….now what do you guys really want to do …… we can still make it happen if it makes sense you know???”

Paul chimes in >>>>>> “watch though ……Ace’ll be the wild card again”

Nick Simmons chimes in rolling his eyes while departing the impromptu pow-wow ……. “you guys are insane”

With a  mouth half-full of Oreo’s at the power of old drummer Pete’s random vice suggestion on TMS just before, Gene chuckles reaching for the milk in the fridge >>> “the last thing we want to feel like we left on this mega PR opp table is ……….spilled milk”

Then serious, playing subtly on Paul’s prime weakness, his affliction as an aficionado of the early British Invasion bands, Gene deadpans slowly for effect >>>>>>”Wasn’t it Ray Davies that said “Give The People What They Want””?

After a long pause Doc offers >>>>>> “I’m am gonna let you guys talk, call me in the morning if there are any revelations guys …. oh, and Gene? ……put down the Oreo’s, you have a tour with Lez Lep remember?!”

——————————————————————————–

Editors note:  I got a BA in PoliSci & History and it turns out you need it to be a KISStorian!

 

 

 

 

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