Letter to the ‘Boyz’:
Guys, hey, sorry about this. You gotta be high if you think what’s being hailed by some as ‘Fake KISS 2019’ is going to sell tickets stateside. Enuffs been said already about why by everyone else in KISSdom, instead I offer here my heartfelt thoughts on possible solutions in hopes I can do something to make THE END OF THE ROAD less bumpy and something us KISS fans can be super amped about.
1 > HIRE BACKGROUND SINGERS / MUSICIANS FOR THE TOUR: Come clean, shoot us straight, like the Rolling Stones ultimately decided to do. You wanna sound great? Add some other musicians to help you deliver the goods! Give each tune the treatment it needs, try and deliver the record version. Add a tambourine!? Get a choir from each city to sing on “Great Expectations”? That kinda shit!
2 > HIRE ACE TO OPEN UP: Even if he’s said he won’t open, you and I know that’s bullshit so please figure out what it will take. Rather than giving him an option to ‘appear’ as all your press statements indicate you’ll do, notably the comment that (paraphrasing you Paul) ‘If they aren’t there, it’s not because they weren’t invited’. Gimme a break, not too cool. Just do it, for us, for KISStory!
3 > FIGURE OUT A FALL BACK POSITION: With the way ticket sales are going, I’ll be shocked if you guys aren’t already considering options here because, in my opinion, this should have been a BIG CITIES ONLY TOUR stateside with options for a 2nd (or 3rd date) in each market, at least initially anyway. Like how you would have done the DYNASTY TOUR with the benefit of hindsight, though I understand your hands may have been tied on that call this time around. Reality aside, in a perfect world, I’d seriously consider finding a way to CANCEL ANY SOFT TICKET SALES DATES WITH ‘VIP REFUNDS’ as it were and start adding THE PERFECT LOCAL ACT / LUMINARY IN EACH KEY MARKET as special guests or openers to the remaining ‘big’ dates. Make these shows pilgrimages. Bands who are fans. Fans who are fans. Pull up the trucks for KISSworld!!
4 > WRITE A NEW SONG FOR THE TOUR: If you’re not gonna put out a record because it’s ‘pointless’ fiscally, at least GIVE THE FANS WHAT THEY WANT, and what we want is NEW KISS MUSIC! Take a chance, take a stand, put a deafening rock coda on this fucker we call KISStory!? MAKE A VIDEO then GO TO RADIO. You get a hit somehow and wow, KISS saves RADIO? Kisstoric twist to history? One more great song! A single. I think the timing may work for the right tune, and I’m here to help with that as a Knight In Stanley & Simmons Service since ’76 with riffs to burn! Fuck, if not me, have a FAN CONTEST TO WRITE YOUR SWAN SONG, again breaking new ground with KISS 🙂
Here are a few titles, gratis …. End Of The Road … My Way Is The High Way … Have My Cake (Eat It Too) … Amps, Ramps & Tramps ….KISS Off … You Can Bring The Roof Down ….We’re KISS Creatures ….Ace’s High ….Fly Like A Demon ….Insufficient Data Starchild …. You Created A Monster …..Drive Me Home …. One Nite At A Time ….. High Time For Rock & Roll ….Rock, Scissors, KISS ….Fine Time For Rock & Roll ….Kiss & Tell …. Damsels In Distress … (heck, Destroyer, Rock & Roll Over, Dressed To Kill?)….Mirror On The Ceiling …Love Is Ours …Stars & Stripes ….Down For Rock … Flashback City … Off With Your Head ….. I could go on.
Paul, Gene, Doc ….text me.
The best part about YouTube.com for this KISStorian is the fact that one can find diamonds in the rough almost weekly like the full live concert vids that seem to keep coming like the mail!
So many great moments on this recent find; a KISStoric Hot In The Shade Tour show from Oklahoma City that finds KISS at their most compelling sans make-up playing their best set list and sounding considerably less frantic than on the prior two tours with Kulick & Carr. By 1990, the ‘new’ KISS is a seasoned unit, hitting on all cylinders, reclaiming territory.
For a hand-held bootleg, the sound is surprisingly warm and not only is Bruce Kulick on fire ‘n tasty throughout, but Gene Simmons is smooth and singing better here than on most of the HITS tour stuff I’ve heard.
It also nicely illuminates the bands evolving groove with Eric Carr and their take on semi-shelved KISS classics like “Strutter”, “I Want You” & “I Stole Your Love” with ‘The Fox’ on drums.
More centrally though, this is our rock & roll party because it captures Paul Stanley at his very finest as a live performer, singer and one of a kind rock star. No one can move while playing guitar like Paul does. He really gives every moment a whole lotta love and can be downright artful at it, bringing a passion, joy and style to the stage rarely if ever achieved by less dedicated artists.
Many KISStorians argue that Vinnie Vincent saved KISS but, any you way you slice it, it was ERIC CARR who saved KISS. The ride he took manning the drum fort on behalf of The KISS ARMY proves Carr was a true ‘Rock Soldier’ and, as The Elder would no doubt agree, indeed ‘worthy of the fellowship’.
And as much as he gave it his all for KISS and their fans when playing live, Carr’s studio work is what makes him “King Of The Mountain” as savior of the band. Shit, take any track off Creatures Of The Night — It’s Bonham meets the Demon & The Starchild and it sounds invincible! Even when KISS went soft rock on Crazy Nights, Carr remained heavy. He also wrote, sang, played bass, and made arrangement contributions on KISS material throughout his tenure with the band.
Even when the KISS experience soured for Carr personally, he never let it affect his level of devotion to the fans. He never, ever sucked. He was a pros pro and, by all accounts, one of the nicest guys on the planet. His only fault may have been that his heart was a big as his bass drum and he wore it on his sleeve. So be it, amen Eric.
Anyway, I moved recently and found this: my angry letter to Rolling Stone for ignoring his career. I share it with you on the Anniversary of his passing to give thanks to Eric for hanging tough when everyone else was jumping ship, Vincent included.
Behold, the ying ‘n yang of KISS; the clunkers that have become the KISS Army’s crosses to bear. Sure, there are others that deserve mention but these each have enduring cringe-worthy moments that are hard to shake. I spared the boyz their solo efforts out of respect for all that is humane. What are your ten worst?
“LONELY IS THE HUNTER” (Animailze) I too get a cold KISS reading (ha-ha, ooh-yeah!). So you’re my one and only AND lonely is the hunter?
“NO, NO, NO” (Crazy Nights) ‘Nuff KISS stuff said …please stand down, Demon.
“BANG BANG YOU” (Crazy Nights) Paul plays the KISS villain where loves a crime, like this KISS chorus.
“MY WAY” (Crazy Nights) See, again, in the KISS danger zone (IE with Nevison behind the board) it’s a fucking jagged edge we climb people.
“CADILLAC DREAMS” (Hot In The Shade) A cool KISS concept but a lousy KISS ride.
“KING OF HEARTS ” (Hot In The Shade) I do get KISS happy feet in the verses like with most Stanley numbers but this chorus is a bridge to far.
“TOUGH LOVE” (Revenge) “KISS hot-line, hello? I’m sorry …you were calling Dr. Strangelove or Dr. Feelgood?”
“EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU” (Revenge) To me this is KISS Kryptonite and with it, no powers.
“YOU WANTED THE BEST” (Psycho Circus) An Ill-conceived farce of a KISS song only just saved by Ace’s guitar.
“NEVER ENOUGH” (Sonic Boom) A very good KISS album without this damning ode to, of all posers, Poison.
Helmets tight KISS Army …I sat and looked at the album covers, accessing the part of my brain that governs KISS related decisions to figure out which album I really wanted to listen to most, and 2nd most, and so on and so forth. A short blog piece on a Herculean task. Please forgive me.
LICK IT UP > back on the streets …hey, hey have you read the news? this album is as good as Creatures of The Night and is the make-over that saved the KISS brand.
ASYLUM > alive n’ kickin’ …guh-guh, guh-guh, guh-guh, guh-guh get the message sugar: Asylum is Kulick/Carr KISS hitting their best 80’s stride.
ANIMALIZE > once bitten, twice shy …Stanley’s triumph in fret-frenzied St. Johns wood; had Simmons given a damn, or Vincent remained on-board, Animalize might have been as good as LIU.
REVENGE > cult of personality …KISS was cool again but I’de give the album higher marks were it not for Stanleys somewhat labored contributions under the rose w/ Ezrin.
HOT IN THE SHADE > these happy days are yours and mine …KISS lighten up to become almost human with “Forever” and a fun album.
CRAZY NIGHTS > desperate, but not serious …KISS buffed to 80’s money-shot oblivion by the grace of Nevison’s hand.
CARNIVAL OF SOULS > return to sender …unmasked KISS fade to black with a grungy dirge.